Painting at home: it’s possible!

Before I get ahead of myself and announce that I want to go on a mission where I paint every day and find time no matter what, let me tackle this smaller victory: I painted at home.

For the past few weeks I’ve been taking a painting class which has gotten me so excited to get back into the habit. In addition, I’ve read a lot about the painting a day movement and it sounds so fun and useful and freeing. So of course I want to do that because I just had my last painting class for this session.

But I often forget that setting expectations of myself when I’m already committed to so many things will only lead to disappointment. So instead, I decided I should just try it for one night. I should try to set up a still life after work and paint it. I won’t dwell on it or obsess over the details but instead just do it and accept that it won’t be perfect but that I will learn something.

What I learned was that this is totally possible. I don’t envision I will have the flexibility to do this every night, but I can see that I can fit this in if I focus on painting on a small scale and working alla prima.

So, here are my mini pumpkins in 3 process shots. The finished result isn’t amazing. I know that. But I found the time to do them and if I can keep doing this, I will get better.

 

A tourist in my town

I’ve recently gotten back into painting, which completely affects how my eye sees artwork. The lens through which I look at a painting varies greatly. When I was in Paris last year, I was there as a true tourist, soaking up the L’Orangerie and D’Orsay. When I go to the Philadelphia Art Museum with my camera, I am looking to capture people looking at art. And when I go after I have been in the habit of painting, I am looking to learn from the masters, to gain insight and tips I can use in my work. Or, sometimes to just stare in awe (check out that detail in the “Water Mill” painting by Frits Thaulow below).

This past weekend we went into the city to eat at a cafe, visit the Rodin museum, walk the streets with the changing leaves crackling under our feet, and visit the art museum to catch a special exhibit and visit with some of my favorite paintings.

I also snuck in a trip to the art supply store in town where I bought some Arches oil paper. I will be working on a still life tonight and intend to be more deliberate about sharing my artwork in this space.

My time is my own: a reminder

For the past several years, I’ve made it a goal to take at least one big vacation a year. I work hard and a key reason for that is so I can make decent money and use that to do what I truly love: travel.

However, lately I’ve been hearing more and more grumbling, snide comments, and feedback from peers at my company about taking vacations.

Let me keep my feelings about this brief: WHAT?

In America, we work hard and vacations aren’t encouraged. “Holidays,” like my European family takes, are generally confined to a week for us.

In September, I took a 12 day vacation. Not even a full two weeks. I worked incredibly hard before the vacation to ensure everything that needed to be done was, that coverage was in place, and that I would be as prepared as possible to hit the ground running when I returned.

However, the comments from people on my team and those I work closely with sounded like this: “I can’t believe you are taking a vacation now.” “Other managers don’t ever take this much time — I guess you will learn your lesson.” “In your role, you now can see you can’t take that much time.”

And guys, I’m not a doctor saving lives, or a scientist on the brink of curing cancer. I’m not running a relief organization, saving babies, or helping anyone in any way. I work in corporate America as one of several on a team doing things for the organization that are important, but important within the context of that organization. And I am incredibly grateful for my job. I am grateful I make money that affords me the luxury to travel. I am well-respected and generally enjoy the people I interact with every day.

What frustrates me though, is that hard work is acknowledged with more work, and not recognized as something that has earned me a break. Based on the comments I received, the perception is that I work hard, and should continue working hard. Vacation should be reserved for a short break at a time most convenient for the organization, not me.

In a world where I already spend an awful lot of time at work, doing work, thinking about work, to feel as though the vacation time that I’ve earned, and am allowed to use, is something that taking makes me look bad or like less of a company girl, is frustrating.

All we have in this life is time. Time is our biggest commodity. And while I am willing to always do my best at work, my whole life isn’t work. My time IS my own. To feel as though it isn’t through snide comments and not-so-subtle feedback, has reminded me of a fundamental flaw in our system. And something I need to remember for myself. My time is not guaranteed, and if taking a vacation or time away from work affects my career, then I am in the wrong place.

(Or I just need to do a better job of not letting people get to me. There’s that, too.)

A photo from my last trip. This was a dirt road in Vermont that I had to stop and photograph. And the painting I recently worked on of it. 🙂

Getting back to the habit

I could make a ton of excuses. But that is what they are: excuses. It’s frustrating to feel like I know what makes me happy, yet I don’t find time for it. When the demands of life, work, errands and housekeeping, crop up, the first thing I give up are my personal habits that make me happy.

In 2013, I found a local art center that offered painting classes during the 4 seasons of the year. After sitting on the fence for the summer, I signed up for a fall class. That class inspired me and getting back to painting was like putting on an old favorite hoodie. It fit just right and made me feel great. I promptly took another class that winter and was in heaven. I was inspired to buy an easel and go “all in” with my new hobby.

Unfortunately, and I say this with complete shame, after the class ended my brushes got dusty, the new easel went untouched, and life got busy with other things. Painting is always a part of my life, I love attending shows, discussing art, and going to the museum, but somehow my arm had become paralyzed and I couldn’t pick up that paintbrush again!

I decided I needed a class to get me back into it, but there weren’t sessions that fit with my schedule and I just couldn’t bring myself to paint on my own. So my brushes and paints sat for almost 3 years.

Thankfully, this fall there was a painting class that fit in my schedule and I promptly signed up. This is an oil painting class and I feel like I’m reconnecting with an old friend.

I don’t want to get ahead of myself, because I’ve been down this road before. While in class I’m inspired and excited about getting back to my old hobby. When I get home I’m met with to do lists, errands, work tasks, and personal commitments. But what I am learning is that painting, just like anything else, does require the time and effort. I’ve always had a natural inclination toward painting. It has come easy to me and I find it fun putting a painting together. But, while I’m happy where I am, I won’t ever get better, more confident, or more talented unless I practice.

Last night we did a self-portrait, and I was terrified. I don’t have confidence doing a self-portrait at all and definitely felt like this would be a torturous evening. What I learned was it wasn’t so bad after all! While I am not confident enough to show my final painting, here is an in-progress image.

And after I finished, I felt pretty good. This was my first painted self-portrait and my teacher ended class telling me I should feel really proud of myself. While I was nitpicking the fact that my one eye should be tweaked and my cheeks are too chubby (in real life!), she interrupted me and said, but you learned something. Go do another one and you will be better.

What a novel message. Go do another one. Not fix this one. Not dwell on this and tinker until it is perfect. Just, go do more. Like with anything: yoga, writing, photography — the best thing that we can do is just do it again and again. My type A personality has a hard time not accepting perfection. But I love the idea of just looking at each painting as a study. A lesson for myself to make my next painting better. No one’s first self-portrait is perfect. But maybe by their 30th they’ve learned a thing or two to inform the later painting that made it easier, smoother, and more life-like.

I write this as much as a message for whoever is reading as I write it for myself. I am so quick to stop doing something, make excuses, or forget to nurture the things I care about. I would love to challenge myself after my class ends to keep up with doing a painting a week. (I initially had the idea of “I must do a painting a day and I can blog about it!” but didn’t want to set myself up for failure right away).

So join me as we stop making excuses and just practice at something we like to do.

 

Grand Teton National Park is a gem

When researching our trip, my friend and I knew we wanted to go to Glacier and Yellowstone. When looking on a map of parks, I happened to see the Grand Tetons near Yellowstone so tacked the park onto our itinerary and we decided to spend a few days there. Unfortunately, we used the remaining few days to see it, and it deserved much more time than we gave it! Also, while we were there, it happened to be pretty bad weather. There was snow in the mountains (in July!) and at our elevation was a wintery mix. My friend and I bought sweat pants, hoodies, and hung by the fire in a lodge one day. And sadly, all of our plans for bigger hikes were cancelled. We did manage to do a few shorter hikes, snuck in a breakfast boat ride over to Elk Island, saw two moose (!!), and witnessed a breathtaking sunset and sunrise. This park definitely was a highlight of the trip — despite the weather! We stayed in an adorable log cabin in Colter Bay, played games in the lodge, and went on several drives in search of wildlife. If only we had a few more days!

Yellowstone National Park is…

For our second stop, we left the solitude and isolation that Glacier provided, and drove the 6ish hours south to Yellowstone. Along the route we stopped in the occasional quaint one-road town (where of course I found some Native American turquoise jewelry to buy), found a bathroom stop in a bar/taxidermy museum with the kindest bar tender who happily allowed us to use his bathroom, and were stopped as a cowboy got his cattle out of the highway. We loved every second of feeling so remote and in a landscape different than our own.

We then arrived in Yellowstone. We stayed in West Yellowstone and loved it. There were restaurants, stores, and lots of people. Some of which was a welcome scene after our last stop where we kept missing dinner and had exhausted the town’s stores and restaurants in 3 days. The landscape, also, was amazing. What we weren’t expecting in Yellowstone were the crowds. And I mean, CROWDS. Thousands of people, tour busses, crammed parking lots, and traffic.

Don’t get me wrong, we got amazing photos, saw amazing sights and wildlife, and enjoyed some aspects of being reunited with cell service and food options. But we weren’t expecting the amount of people — and the driving! There are two park loops that we ended up driving a few times, in a few different ways, but this meant hours in the car driving from scenic lookout to geyser sight to hot spot. We saw a lot, but ended up spending a lot more time in the car than we expected.

All in all, we both agreed we were grateful to have seen this place — it is truly amazing! But are also feeling this isn’t a place we need to return. At least not in the summer time and the peak tourist season!

Glacier National Park is kinda amazing

As I had alluded to, part of my excitement to practice with my camera and new lenses was in preparation for the amazing sights I knew I was in for on my vacation. A friend and I spent 12 days exploring 3 new-to-us National Parks. As I’ve poured over my photos, created my photo album, and deleted duplicates, I realized that even with my paring down, I still had a lot to share. Rather than post one entry with a bazillion photos, it seems only natural to break it into 3 posts for the 3 parks. Glacier, you’re up first!

This was our first stop and driving into this park, my friend and I knew immediately that all the hype, online photos, and excitement we had, were not in vain. This place was unbelievable. Also unbelievable? When we were there in July, we didn’t realize (though maybe should have?) that because of the time of year and how far north we were, the sun would be setting just shy of 10 p.m. It made for wonderfully long days, but also, oddly, several missed dinners! The town where we stayed wasn’t so much a town as it was a lodge, a gas station, and a few quaint mom-and-pop restaurants. And all of these places didn’t want to stay open until 10:30 to feed us dinner! However, fortunately the firework store that our lodge was positioned next to was just getting fired up at that hour, so our hungry selves got to listen to the steady sound of fireworks well into the midnight hour. (Does that make me sound like a sarcastic curmudgeon!?)

We hiked for hours, saw amazing wildlife, ice, snow, and vistas only of our dreams. What a place. I can’t wait to go back and convince my non-nature-loving boyfriend that he will love it, too!

Trying to get back

After losing my dog, I’m going to be honest, I lost motivation to blog. Roxy wasn’t at all the catalyst for my blogging, but she was my muse and who I was practicing my photography on the most. This blog kept me honest to practice prior to my big vacation and I found without her at home, I felt I didn’t have anything to photograph.

Of course it isn’t true that she was my only thing to photograph. But losing her knocked the wind out of my sails and I needed time to step away and grieve.

Right now, I want to get back into the habit. But I know it will take dedication again and I don’t want to beat myself up if I fall short of my own expectations.

Therefore, in order to get back into the swing of things, I figured I could highlight a few of the photos I’ve taken over the last 2 months. I spent some time in a state park in Pennsylvania — Rickets Glen. And then I took an amazing trip out to Montana and Wyoming to see Glacier, Yellowstone, and Grand Teton National Parks.

I have hundreds of photos, though for now, here are a few from Rickets Glen. I hope that putting my images and my words back up on my blog — instead of only seeing and remembering my last sad post after losing Roxy — I will be reinvigorated to practice and learn more again, prior to my next vacation in upstate New York and Vermont this fall. I will post pictures from out west soon!

 

Gone too soon

Not even 24 hours after my last post, my Roxy girl passed away. That adventure walk I mentioned in my last post? That didn’t happen. She wasn’t up for it and from the moment I woke up that morning, I knew it was the end.

On one hand, I’m so glad my Friday night was filled with pup photos, walks, watermelon treats, and tearing apart her toys. She was so happy and vibrant on Friday night. She didn’t suffer. She loved life. On the other hand, I’ve been so blindsided over losing her. She didn’t seem sick (though the cancer that was eating her heart I guess would be described as quite sick), and it seems that almost as soon as I learned she was sick I was saying goodbye.

I miss her like crazy. Not only was she my companion, but our relationship stood for something. She had gotten me through some tough times: breakups, trauma, rejection, sadness. And celebrated good times, like buying my own place, finding a good man, and greeting me when I returned from a few ill-fated adventures. Roxy was my first dog I had completely on my own, and getting her and successfully keeping her alive and happy was rewarding on its own.

Coming home to an empty house the past few nights has been nothing short of heartbreaking. I’m lonely without her here and so much reminds me of her.

One thing I am sure of though, is that she taught me how much a life with a dog is exactly the life for me. The cuddles, greeting me at the door, lending me a furry shoulder to cry into, and sweet gestures are awful to live without. And one I can’t go without for long. I will never forget Roxy. She was so important to me and helped me so much. But she wouldn’t want me sad. She would hate that I’m crying without a pup in my lap to hug.

After my upcoming vacation, it will be time to search for a new dog to rescue. Roxy would be happy to know I will give a home to another dog who needs some love and compassion — just like she once needed, and found with me.

I will return to my regular blogging soon. I have some neat photos I took on a recent hiking trip before I knew what was happening with Roxy. I will post those soon. For now, if you have a pet, hug them a little tighter tonight. Losing them is a loss so intense I was rocked to my core.

Devastating news

This has been one heck of a week. I got devastating news about my dog and have been pretty beside myself. However, her fatal diagnosis doesn’t mean she is gone yet. It’s time to spoil my Roxy girl like crazy, and of course, take photos of her constantly. I pray I have more time than I’ve been warned I have. In the meantime, she can tear apart toys, beg for people food, and live up her life. Tomorrow we will be going on an adventure walk together. I hope she’s up for it.